Need to relax

I tweak in my head too much and it affects how calm I am, how much I can focus, what habits I revert to and the new things I do.

I ought to relax. I'm "going hard" on the wrong things. Being tunnel visioned about this small stuff is getting me nowhere.

I smoked 3 cigarettes yesterday. Didn't feel anything. Realised I was doing it to confirm some self-image of myself; realised soon enough that this isn't who I am. I can't cure weakness of the mind in this sense by trying external stimulants. (Nicotine had no effect on me idk). Ought to meditate or something.

I'm also very horny. I need/want an outlet. Fucking hell. Don't know if I need "self-control" here; it's not like I'm ravaging out of control slaying like crazy. Been controlling a lot in terms of my outreach. But it's frustrating and I need something/someone.